Nightingale wannabe

i was watching American Idol on starworld at 8pm just now. Some people are clueless and alot of them are plain nutcases. BUt nevertheless, I am always in awe of the talents found on AI. Damn! i wish i could song as well as them.

I can remember when i was young, I loved karaoke with my dad. I will scream my heart out to the tunes of Aisha, Ziana Zain , Mariah Carey and Whitney Houston. Whenever my dad praise me for singing well, my heart will beam with pride and i knew singing would be something i wanted to do forever. I always love to perform at small birthday parties and impress my relatives with my singing talent. Hah!

But now i am not as confident. Deep down i know i can sing. But i can never impress anyone. Not even myself. I mean there are people who thinks i have a great voice but they are not really musically incline, thus i am thankful but i dont think their opinions matter. My dad thinks i suck. and i quote and translate "she'll be the worst in singapore idol. if there's number #1000th, she'll be it." I never did show i was sad, hurt or disappointed by his lack of faith in me but i always were. And whenever he encourage a cousin to take up guitar lessons cause he sees potential, i cant help but feel a tinge of anger. why has he never send me to piano lessons or singing/vocal lessons when he well enough knows that i have much interest in it. what? cant he see potential in me? just because i am FAT doesnt mean i cant be good.

I always dream to sing on the stage to hundreds or thousands of people. even if i dont do it professionally, i want to be good as an amateur. I 'm always in awe when i hear anastasia and saiful sing at the smoking alley. they are damn good la!!! wish i good be half as good...

i wish..... jez a wish......