dead and not so much a gonner.

I have left blogger!

http://mayacastelloz.tumblr.com/

Life

Life is about joys, sadness, happiness and upheavals. It is about disappointing others, and most importantly, letting oneself down. It is about knowing how much you want something, and yet never getting it instantenously. and further down the road, after many days have passed, you still dont achieve it. Life is knowing that although nothing is impossible, the reality is, some things are just beyond our desire and within our reach. It is about breaking promises that you've made for yourself and others, but still refusing to believe it. and this is not because you want to do it, but because life itself is about having limited choices. Life is a sea of emotions, feelings like waves, crashing and and trying to overpower one's innocent mind. Life is, trying to breathe when your soul is plucked from the chambers of your iron body, disregarding the number of times you get knocked down. Ultimately life itself, is all about trying. In happiness, one tries hard to contain that moment. In sadness, one tries hard to pull through. Life is trying enough for everyone, because one knows, there is always a new oppportunity in life every single day, until the day, you lose life itself.

-copied from Farhana frm fb

youtube vids...

1. my version of 'nk tgk pukimak?'

gosh! i want to pengsan now. not to say like my english very good la. but I am NOT representing sg in anything what... and she is representing sg in MISS WORLD 2009! aiyoh! sg version of a bimbo! lol!

2. super funny vid on philipino accent!

lol! too bad i cannot laugh out loud coz the parents sleeping!


enjoy the videos!

Please don't stop the rain...

(F)©maya eloise ™I shall live my life in sanguinity says:
have u ever stand at the edge of a high building, and images flash across your mind on what is it like to jump
and you thought u were brave enuf to do it
but just as u take a step forward, u were overcome by fear
of death
how can anyone be afraid to die... so sad......

| | rose camilia rostaza | Fad said, "Ok anything aku press" LOL | says:
maya
wat r u talking abt?

i dont even know.


I think I am super depressed. I am worrying about alot of things. alot of problems and things that happened recently. But when it comes to work, my mind just goes blank. I think I might screw up my presentation this Friday. I wonder where my motivation go when I was doing my first presentation. I am wearing out.
I dont know why I am determined to be depressed. coz its like recently I have been miserable over every little things; my friend getting married, an old friend ROM-ed, friends graduated from UNI, my weight, my huge pores, my thinning hair, my blurry future, passing by huge houses at pasir panjang, having no money.... everything. I am listening to depressing songs on my iPod and watch depressing sad movies. I get very irritated with fast and hip songs and happy endings in movies.

I am tired of trying to hard, be a jack of all trades and a master of none.
I am tired,
underappreciated,
unloved,
ugly,
dying....

yipee.

to whomever it may concern

the truth is out.

congratulation old friend for finally proving that what I've blogged previously is true. congrats on the new happy life you're having now in the expense of losing a few friends.

I rest my case.

random musings

I suppose it is time for an update. a proper one at least. Nothing much happened this week. just a lot of lepak-ing bawa blok with packs of ciggies, a deck of cards and for a night we were 'Hooching in Amsterdam'. good times with great friends. been a while since i had one of those careless fun, without a care in the world. credits to Nabila, Amala, Huda, Aman, Taj, Tabby, Sheila, Ram, Sufi and to Rose, welcome to the club. LOL!

Anyway, daddy says NO to me working in Perth. He says that I can't even take care of myself here, how am i suppose to take care of myself in another continent. He says studying in Australia is different from working there. He says I can study there but not work there. I personally cannot see the difference. Its all excuses. He has problems of letting me go. He is afraid that I can be independent and I no longer need to depend on him anymore. He just cannot admit that he will be at loss without me around. If he tell me all this I might understand. I might listen. But he has his ego and I have mine. I still have not make a decision whether I will go or not if the opportunity comes by. Eric mentioned the chance to me but i still got till next year May before I officially graduate, so cant say much now. The most irritating thing is that he mention this to the grandparents and my other relatives. Thus an intervention last week. everyone has their say. cik mini, mom, along and mak ngah support me. dad and grandparents think otherwise. it was one hectic argument at the house of Haji Ismail last week. I pity my grandfather coz i can see he is quite stressed out by this. He was deep in his thought while looking at me with sadden eyes throughout the day. He called me to his room to tell me that if I go and come back he might not be here anymore. That almost brought tears to my eyes. but my ego refuse to let me cry in front of my relatives. so i just nod and gave me a sad smile, no promises. I think everyone is making a big deal out of this all too soon. I might not even get the job. so yea. But I really really wanna go.

its my life, so it should be MY CHOICE right?

Though we are many, each of us is achingly alone, piercingly alone- Maya Angelou

am i not pretty enough

sometimes I ask myself or to Whoever is listening...





when will it be my turn?

WingLish

OMG! i laugh so hard. not at the angmo BOY. but at how bad Shan is at singlish to the point he looks like an idiot lorr... so blardy embarrassing! haha.

funny webcam-ing

thank you afie for ditching ur project mates to spend the day with me. webcaming at starbucks jurong point! had our dose of caffeine and we become gila. thus the photos below! love u babe!












i wanna buy a new lap top with a good resolution webcam with all these funny applications!!!!!!!

Bring it on, Biatch!

what the hell!
if you happen to relate personally to whatever i wrote in my blog (without me stating your name here), then... good for you. if you think the person i am bitching about is you, then hey!, maybe it is you. you think it is you coz you feel somewhat guilty that you may have done the horrible things that i said you did. anyway, seriously this is my blog. its my prerogative to write whatever i want here. if you're not happy with whatever i wrote here, then...



FUCK OFF.