random musings

I suppose it is time for an update. a proper one at least. Nothing much happened this week. just a lot of lepak-ing bawa blok with packs of ciggies, a deck of cards and for a night we were 'Hooching in Amsterdam'. good times with great friends. been a while since i had one of those careless fun, without a care in the world. credits to Nabila, Amala, Huda, Aman, Taj, Tabby, Sheila, Ram, Sufi and to Rose, welcome to the club. LOL!

Anyway, daddy says NO to me working in Perth. He says that I can't even take care of myself here, how am i suppose to take care of myself in another continent. He says studying in Australia is different from working there. He says I can study there but not work there. I personally cannot see the difference. Its all excuses. He has problems of letting me go. He is afraid that I can be independent and I no longer need to depend on him anymore. He just cannot admit that he will be at loss without me around. If he tell me all this I might understand. I might listen. But he has his ego and I have mine. I still have not make a decision whether I will go or not if the opportunity comes by. Eric mentioned the chance to me but i still got till next year May before I officially graduate, so cant say much now. The most irritating thing is that he mention this to the grandparents and my other relatives. Thus an intervention last week. everyone has their say. cik mini, mom, along and mak ngah support me. dad and grandparents think otherwise. it was one hectic argument at the house of Haji Ismail last week. I pity my grandfather coz i can see he is quite stressed out by this. He was deep in his thought while looking at me with sadden eyes throughout the day. He called me to his room to tell me that if I go and come back he might not be here anymore. That almost brought tears to my eyes. but my ego refuse to let me cry in front of my relatives. so i just nod and gave me a sad smile, no promises. I think everyone is making a big deal out of this all too soon. I might not even get the job. so yea. But I really really wanna go.

its my life, so it should be MY CHOICE right?

Though we are many, each of us is achingly alone, piercingly alone- Maya Angelou