life's unfair....

Life’s unfair. Since wen is it ever been? Fadilla went out with her sis, bro-in-law and bro to arab st for sheesha at 9 plus at night. Convenient for them coz her bro in law drives n has a car. But this is not the point. The point now is tt I feel so under privilege and so jealous. Why must my dad n my sis have a “war” against each other? Even so, why must I get involved? Why am I punished? Jez becoz dad hates sis, y cant I meet her?

“kalau kau sayang aku jgn jumpe kakak kau.” (read: if you love me dun meet ur sister)

“kalau kau anak aku, jgn jumpe dier!” (read: if u’re my daughter, dun meet her!

Wtf! This does not make sense at all! I’m so jealous of fadilla right now… I jez wish things were diff. but well it will nv be right. Both dad n sis are so stubborn n has the ego as much as all the ego of man added us together. N now I have to meet my own sis, my own flesh and blood, secretly so dad doesn’t know. Wat the fuck!!!! These does not makes sense!

i think i'm gonna breakdown...

Every day I turn a page in the story that I write
Unanswered questions is the topic here tonight
Tonight the endless tears stream down my face
And its only now that I start to feel so out of place

I stare into my mirror and I know that this isn't me
Yet the black in my future is all I continue to see
Every night that I close my eyes to try and sleep
My eyes always find a reason to stay up & weep

And when I sit in my room I feel empty & alone
The answers I search for are still left unknown
And when I force a smile i want the pain to end
But I know I'll wake up tomorrow & start again

Theres always something small that causes rain
And I know its my weakness that causes u pain
For a split second I forget about being so down
But its not long after my smile turns to a frown

In all the instances I try to hold back my tears
Raises the first answer to stand up to my fears
Crazy thoughts that wont erase from my mind
The meaning of my life is still yet to be defined