back from cloud nine

ku mencintaimu lebih dari apapun
meskipun tiada satu orangpun yang tahu
ku mencintaimu sedalam dalam hatiku
meskipun engkau hanya kekasih gelapku

yakinlah bahwa engkau adalah cintaku
yang kucari selama ini dalam hidupku
dan hanya padamu kuberikan sisa cintaku
yang panjang dalam hidupku
hidupku...

ku mencintaimu lebih dari apapun
meskipun tiada satu orangpun yang tahu
ku mencintaimu sedalam dalam hatiku
meskipun engkau hanya kekasih gelapku
woho...

ku mencintaimu sedalam dalam hatiku
meskipun engkau hanya kekasih gelapku

ku mencintaimu lebih dari apapun
meskipun tiada satu orangpun yang tahu
ku mencintaimu sedalam dalam hatiku
meskipun engkau hanya kekasih gelapku
kekasih gelapku...

some are things in life are only entitled to certain people, while others just stare and drool at the privileged in awe and jealousy. for example, true love. or even just true companion(s) for that matter. everywhere i go, i see couples looking at each others' eyes, holding hands and cuddling each other. everywhere i go, i see friends laughing, joking and looking out for each other. and then there is me. truly alone. even when i'm with my friends. i feel as if i can trust nobody. as if people around me are putting up a friendly facade in front of me and then brutally backstabbing me when i'm not around. OCD? maybe coz this thought keeps coming to me and everytime i push it away, in denial. i don't blame them, mayb its just me. maybe its impossible to like me. impossible to like a a person with, and i quote from ahmad, "huge and limping with oily, viscuous fat and folds." oh maybe its not that. if it is then fat people in this world will be lonely, unemployed and pathetic. i mean look at Queen Latifah, she oozes out dignified sexiness and is adored by thousands. and look at... look at... erm... whoever is FAT and successful! so then it all comes back to me. my personality and character. my flaws. whatever i do never seems to be able to satisfy everyone or even anyone. i thought i was doing fine. being friends with everyone. i do know that not everyone likes me but what did i do to make some people brutally bitch about me behind me back. saying things which are so untrue about me and yet many might belief. i seriously don't mind people saying i'm "FAT AND UGLY" behind my back or even right at my face coz i will agree as it is true. but THIS, is unacceptable. why must people stereotype fat=pathetic=loser=unshameless flirting! please ah! i don't even dare to talk to the guys i have crush on what more flirt sak! why must everytime i am friendly or try to have a friendly conversation with guys, they mistake me for flirting with them. i mean seriously?!?!?!? and the worse part is that they say all this mean accusations about me in front of my friends (so i thought!)!!! and the worst thing, those people i expect to back me up, to defend me, just kept quiet and listen. what a cruel and brutal world.

or well this might not be true coz i heard it from someone else. but i just feel like ranting it out here.

i admit that i am a bit concern but i would like to think that i am not depress about it. right now the good thing that comes out of this is that it puts my two feet firmly back on earth. reality slaps me hard and make me realise that whatever i do, being fat is a social crime. i thought that if i dress better to look more presentable, people will better like me.

silly silly me.