This heart of mine....

I hate this heart of mine.
I want to be a good person.
To be a good person, it must start from the heart.
It doesn't matter what you do or say, coz if the heart is bad, then the whole being is bad.

I know I should be happy and proud and I really am.
But this ugly heart of mine starts seeping out negative feelings like blood oozing out from a wound.
I am angry and jealous at the same time.
Oh God, why must we feel emotions.
If this is how I feel, then i rather be numb and not feel at all.
I rather be blessed with the heart of rock.
I feel this way coz of the things and people others have in their life while mine is void of all that.
I shall not explain the story why I feel this way... coz it is rather pathetic.
I am pathetic.
I have a sad and pathetic life.
oh, I am a bad person.
Now I am sad coz I realise I'm a bad bad human being.

The only business of the head in the world is to bow a ceaseless obedience to the heart.
William Butler Yeats

or not.